Today I took a brief moment to reflect on a popular question asked by many, “What do women want?” For my men out there, I am already seeing your eyebrows raise. For my ladies, I imagine your thought being, “Yes… you have my attention, go on please.”
As this question begins to unfold for me, the following come to mind:
- “Of course, I know exactly what I want, just don’t ask me to articulate it.” It’s a feeling as if I know what I want but don’t know how to convey it. Oh, if only they could read my mind!”
- “What if I get rejected when I fully articulate what I want? I’m afraid of the consequences.”
- “What if I know what I want but I built my whole world around something else that I wanted before! Am I allowed to change my mind?”
- “Full disclosure… If I do know what I want, this can change based on context and my mood. So, under no circumstance should I be asked to sign on a dotted line that what I say is what I want once and for all.” (Yes, I consulted with my attorney for this ;))
Hello to my ladies out there! You beautiful, complex, and amazing women! This is why you are so desirable. You are incredibly challenging, at times, to figure out – even for yourself (if truth be told). Now, take a moment and think of all the movies, reports, books out there trying to figure this exact subject matter out – what do women want? As if women are a one size fits all. My mind immediately thinks of Julia Roberts and Richard Gere in the famous “Runaway Bride” egg scene. *
Yes, go on, have a moment of laughter. Then put your shoulders back and allow yourself to feel the uniqueness of who you are – desirable and absolutely amazing!
Now that you have taken a moment to reflect, laugh, and breath, let’s break this down a bit further.
Why do you do this?
For generations women have been designed to be thankful for what they get and rewarded for good behavior. It’s understandable why women have such difficulties vocalizing what they want. Desire and pleasure are not something you were taught to appreciate or want! This is why women work so hard to show what they deserve versus vocalizing what they desire.
The time is now to change this habit for ourselves and for the future generations… to empower them to vocalize their desires from the first day they can talk!
Ok, I get that. More importantly, how do I fix this?
There is nothing to fix. The first step is realizing you are perfect and beautiful and to love yourself for who you are! It takes each and everyone of one of you to reverse this cultural limited belief for yourself, your families, and generations to follow. It’s your time to go forth courageously and identify, define, and share what you want! Happiness is your birthright – don’t settle for “just ok.”
What’s the next step?
Action! Work your strengths! You know what’s best for others, you’re a natural nurturer. Women are solution driven by nature. These are all innate strengths of being a woman. Think about it, if we were all in a circus, how many balls would we juggle at once? Your calendar rules your life at work. You use tools such as ClassPass to organize your workout schedules. You may even categorize your meal plans.
So, the next time you are asked, “Woman- what do you want?” Take a moment to laugh and congratulate yourself for being so amazingly unique and you! You’re not bat shit crazy for being all over the place! Take this as your validation!
Then, break it down piece by piece. What was the question really about? What is your desired outcome? How do you get from A to B?
- What do you want for dinner?
- How do you like to be pampered?
- What relaxes you and allows you to recharge to be your best self?
- What do you want in a relationship?
- What do you want to do tonight?
- What motivates you at work?
If you are grateful for what you have and articulate what you want with a positive outlook, you will find that your greatest and deepest desires will begin to manifest. Please share your thoughts and stories and your “what do you want?” win’s and challenges with everyone around you!